This one's for the ladies: Twelve reasons to watch the 2014 Sochi Olympics

It's that time again, those glorious two weeks I wait for every two years - the Olympics!!! It's been (give or take) 1,073 days since the closing ceremonies of the last Winter Olympics in Vancouver, and about 543 days since the closing ceremonies in London. I'm ready for two weeks of skiing, skating, jumping, twirling, and sliding. I'm warming up my pipes to sing the National Anthem, and waiting for all the tear-jerking Bob Costas stories (I eat those things up with a spoon).

Every Olympics, my friends and I discuss the most important thing to female sports fans - who are the hottest male athletes, and when are their events? I've seen many lists going around the internet, from Cosmo to PopSugar, with many overlaps (hello Henrik Lundqvist!) and some that leave me shaking my head (Evan Lysacek? Sorry, but no.). So, as I did before the 2012 London Games - relive the 2012 list here - here is my list of the Hottest Olympic Athletes in Sochi, in no particular order:

Henrik Lundqvist, Sweden, hockey

Because... duh. Lundqvist may be the best-looking hockey player of all time, and coming from me that's quite a compliment. On the ice, he's arguably the best goalie in the world - as starting goalie for the NHL's glamour team, the New York Rangers, Lundqvist won the Vezina Trophy as the top goalie in the NHL in 2012. He's a three-time NHL all star and has been the Rangers' MVP every year since 2007, led Sweden to an Olympic gold medal in 2006 and in December 2013, the Rangers made him the highest-paid goalie in the NHL with a seven-year, $53 million contract extension. In addition, he's been named one of the best dressed men in the world by Vanity Fair, among other magazines, and he was one of People's 100 Most Beautiful in 2006. Oh - and he has an identical twin brother, Joel.

The puck drops on Henrik's Olympics Feb. 12, when Sweden takes on the Czech Republic.

Bode Miller, USA, downhill skiing

This one is a given. A staple on hottie lists since his Olympic debut in 1998, this New Hampshire native has a love-hate relationship with the media. An Olympic and World Championship gold medalist competing in his fifth Olympics, Sochi is likely the last hurrah for the handsome, laid-back 36-year-old. Still a top skier, he has a chance to medal in downhill - he is ranked second in the world, behind our next athlete...

Bode's likely final Olympics begin Feb. 9 with the men's downhill event.

Aksel Lund Svindal, Norway, downhill skiing

This Norwegian is a two-time overall World Cup champion (2007 and 2009), an Olympic gold medalist in Super G at the 2010 Winter Olympics, and a five-time World Champion in downhill, giant slalom and super combined. With his victory in the downhill in 2013, Svindal became the first male alpine racer to win titles in four consecutive world championships. Now for what we really care about - this viking is single! He recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend, American gold medal skier Julie Mancuso. We'll get our first glimpse of this hottie as he carries his national flag at the Opening Ceremonies - well done, Norway.

Aksel's Olympics begin Feb. 9 with the men's downhill event.

Steve Langton, USA, bobsled

I have to admit, this one is a bit biased, since I was friends with Steve in high school. That aside, no one can deny his rightful place on this list. A college track star at Northeastern, the Massachusetts native decided to "try" bobsled in 2007 - and hasn't looked back. This will be his second Olympics, and this time around he's part of the "Night Train," the sled driven by Steve Holcomb that won gold in Vancouver. The sled won gold at the 2012 World Championships, and Holcomb and Langton partnered to also win gold in the 2-man, as well. This freak athlete was named "The Most Powerful Winter Olympian" by Men's Health Mag, and after watching that video, I dare anyone to disagree. Not only a beast in the weight room, Steve also has a funny side, which you can see on his YouTube page with roommate John Daly. Go Steve!

Steve's Olympics take off Feb. 16-17 with the two man event, and continue Feb. 22-23 with the 4-man event.

Aleksander Aurdal, Norway, Freestyle Skiing

This high-flying Norwegian will compete in the "slopestyle" skiing event. He's not expected to medal, but will look pretty awesome flying through the air doing crazy tricks at high speeds. Bonus: this hottie has a big heart - he is a mentor for the Heroes of Tomorrow project in Norway, which aims to support and encourage young people with talent.

Aleks flips onto our screens Feb. 13 with the Men's Ski Slopestyle qualifications

Christopher Fogt, USA, Bobsled

People often mistakenly call athletes "heroes." However, in the case of Sgt. Christopher Fogt, the title is accurate. He is an incredibly accomplished athlete, including representing the USA in the 2010 Olympics, and, more importantly, a captain in the Army and a member of the Army's World Class Athlete Program. At Utah Valley University, Fogt was a track star, as two-year captain he set records in the 100m and 60m in the process ... oh, and had time to do ROTC *swoon*. Immediately following the 2010 Olympics, where he was part of the USA-2 that finished in 10th, he stepped away from bobsled for 18 months, much that on a year-long deployment in Iraq with military intelligence. Now he's back to compete in the 2014 games - this time as a member of the "Night Train" aka gold medal favorite. I mean, come on! If he doesn't make you proud to be an American, I don't know what does.

Sgt. Fogt's Olympics begin Feb. 22-23 with the 4-man event.

Tim Burke, USA, biathlon

First off - biathlon is a cross-country skiing and shooting competition. Second, Tim Burke is not only nice to look at, but America's first-ever legitimate chance at an Olympic medal in biathlon. The three-time Olympian won the silver medal in the 20 km Individual competition at the 2013 World Championships, the second American man ever to win a World Championship medal. But sorry ladies, this hottie is taken by a fellow biathlete - German Andrea Henkel, a four-time Olympic medalist.

Catch Tim Feb. 8 in the Men's Sprint 10km and Feb. 13 in the 20km.

Dylan Moscovitch, Canada, pairs figure skating

Kirsten Moore-Towers is a lucky girl to have such a studly partner! The pair placed second in the 2014 Canadian national championships and came in fourth at the 2013 World Championships. No, figure skating isn't the most masculine sport... but at least it's pairs, right?

Watch Dylan and Kristen in the pair's competition Feb. 11.

Bobby Brown, USA, freestyle skiing

Every little step I take... wait, wrong Bobby Brown. In 2010, this Bobby Brown became the first skier at the Winter X Games to win two golds in one trip - big air and slopestyle - vaulting him to freeskiing poster boy status. The four-time X Games gold medalist is hoping to add Olympic gold to his trophy case - I, for one, can't wait to watch him try.

Bobby's Olympics begin Feb. 13 in the slopestyle qualifications

Matt Margetts, Canada, freestyle skiing

This six-time X Games veteran is the first skier to land a double cork 900. He earned his first FIS World Cup medal in January 2014 when he won the bronze in Calgary as part of a podium sweep by the Canadian men. This laid-back hottie is known for his "infectious happy-go-lucky personality, A+ brand of humor and never-ending smile" - what a bonus.

Mark tries to impress us beginning Feb. 13 in the slopestyle qualifications

David Backes, USA, hockey

I went through the whole USA hockey roster, and, IMHO, Backes is the hottest on the team (followed closely by USA captain Zach Parise) . The forward is a native of Minnesota and went to my husband's alma mater, University of Minnesota-Mankato, which earns him a special place in my heart. Each season, the 6'3" captain of the St. Louis Blues is among the top in the league in +/-. This is his second Olympics, after winning a silver medal with USA at the 2010 Olympics. Off the ice, Backes and his wife (boo) are devoted to animal rescue and each have their own rescue organizations: Kelly's Kats and David's Dogs.

David and team USA skate into our hearts against Slovakia, Feb. 13.

Neville Wright, Canada, Bobsled

Apparently the thing to do after your track career is over is to try bobsled! Neville was  a sprinter since the age of seven. After failing to qualify for the Olympics in Beijing 2008 (missing by .02!!!), he decided to pursue another sport and in the summer of 2009 he tried bobsled and a year later was competing in the Olympics, where he was part of the 4th-place finishing Canadian 4-man team. He will compete in the 2- and 4- man in 2014, with his best shot at a medal coming in the 4. He looks more like a football player than a runner, and if I needed a bodyguard I'd love to have Neville protecting me!

Neville's Olympics begin Feb. 22 with the 4-man event.

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I don't know about you, but after looking at all these hot athletes, I'm even more excited for the Olympics! I just came across this link Gold Medal Abs and got even more excited! I hope these hotties all avoid the water in Sochi.

Make sure to vote on your favorite in the poll and let me know who you think I missed!

Hottie Results

As we said “goodbye” to the 2012 London Games, we also said farewell to our favorite sport of all – watching male athletes. As we began these Games with a list of our favorite athletes, we end by giving a roundup of how each of these fine-looking specimens fared in their respective events.

Ryan Lochte

The most decorated of our hotties, with five medals in London, including two gold. However, Lochte was hoping for these to be “his games” and his results, though exceptional, were below the level he was hoping. In his “signature event,” Lochte was a disappointing 3rd. However he beat Phelps in their first meeting, the 400IM, but later was defeated by the winningest Olympian of all time in the 200IM. But unquestionably, Lochte was the face of Olympic hotties in 2012.

2 gold – 400IM, 4x200 Free relay

2 silver – 200IM, 4x100 Free relay

1 bronze – 200 back

James Magnussen

A disappointing Olympics all-around for Aussies in the pool, but particularly for “The Missle,” who was much-hyped in the leadup to London, but came away with just two medals, none of them gold. But at only 21 years old, this hottie should be gracing us with his presence for years to come.

1 silver – 100 free

1 bronze – 4x100 medley

Andreas Thorkildsen

An injury-plagued 2012 did not bode well for Thorkildsen, the gold medalist in both Athens and Beijing, and I’m sorry to report that the Nordic God of Javelin failed to place in the Olympics, finishing 6th in the finals. But after researching him more this morning, I HAVE to give this hottie my gold medal. 

You won the gold in my book, Andreas.

Giuseppe Lanzone 

Participated in only one event, the men’s 8,  where the U.S. just narrowly missed the bronze medal, by .3 seconds.

Sam Mikulak

No one thought the U.S. men would finish the gymnastics without a team medal; even less thought they would leave London with just one medal overall, which was Danell Leyva’s All Around bronze. 

Troy Dumais

The 31-year-old diver finally medaled in his third Olympics, taking bronze in the men’s synchronized 3m springboard. He finished 5th in the individual 3m springboard.

Clemente Russo 

The second-seeded heavyweight boxer lived up to his ranking - Russo made it to the final against Ukraine’s Oleksandr Usyk, where he was defeated, relegating him to the silver medal. The more I looked at him, the more I wonder how a boxer can have a face like this… 

I guess the second-best boxer in the world doesn't get punched in the face too often. Thankfully.

 

 

Ricky Berens

Only swam one individual event, where he didn’t make the finals. But Berens was on two relay teams, and medaled in both - including one gold.

                1 gold – 4x200m Freestyle Relay

                1 silver – 4x100m Freestyle relay

Luca Marin

8th place in his only event, the 400m IM, 9.71 behind winner and poll-winning favorite hottie, Ryan Lochte.

Han Van Alphen 

A surprising 4th place in the decathlon. He won the final event, the 1500m, to move into 4th, just 10 seconds shy of the  bronze medal.

Pascal Behrenbruch

A disappointing 10th place in the decathlon.

For love of Olympic Track and Field

It's been a long two weeks of Olympics; I am almost glad they are winding down, because I'm exhausted!  I mean, I don't know how many more nights I can lay on the couch until midnight, stressed out, eating milk and cookies, watching these people compete. The first week was filled with swimming, which of course means ogling the male swimmers' amazing physiques, then we were immediately thrown right into track & field, which has always been a favorite of mine. Move over Missy Franklin, because you may have swam in 15 races, but I don't get a single night off in two weeks!

Ever since I can remember, I've been obsessed with track and field. What really sealed the deal for me was when I was 13, watching Michael Johnson's unparalleled double gold in the 200 and 400 meters at the Atlanta Olympics in 1996, wearing his famous (and fabulous) gold spikes. His performance in the 200m still gives me chills - the then-world record of 19.32 seconds (which, ironically, was Usain Bolt's winning 200m time in London) was so fast he actually injured his hamstring to the point he was never the same after. And neither was I - it was official, I was obsessed with track.

Michael Johnson's gold-medal winning and world-record breaking performance, Atlanta 1996. Photo credit, AP

Anyway, back to the present. I can't talk about London 2012 without first discussing the most talked-about (track) athlete in these Games, Usain Bolt. Has there ever been a more fitting name for an athlete? He was literally born to be fast. Despite a couple of losses leading up to the Olympics, everyone knew Bolt had something special in store for us. It's hard enough to win back-to-back gold in one event, yet Bolt did it in both the 100 and 200 m, proving that, without a doubt, he is the fastest man who has ever lived.

Videos may not be able to truly capture how fast Bolt is, but still photos sure can.

Bolt has three major factors that make him the Fastest Man on Earth. His two major "losses" in the past two years have come to countryman Yohan Blake, at the 2011 World Championships after Bolt was disqualified for a false start, and the 2012 Jamaican Olympics Trials, where Bolt wasn't 100% healthy. I believe that Bolt is unbeatable when healthy.

First, he is extremely tall, especially for a sprinter, at 6'5", so though he has to use more energy to move that amount of mass, his strides are extremely efficient - in his 100m win in London, Bolt took just 41 steps, five fewer than silver medalist Blake, and two fewer than bronze medalist Justin Gatlin. His energy-output-to-stride ratio, according to many people smarter than me who have studied his races, is the most efficient there has ever been.

Second, he possesses superior strength and flexibility. According to Dr. Ross Tucker of The Science of Sport website, this allows him to accelerate quickly and maintain a very high top speed. He explains: "I've not seen such an elastic runner before. Bolt's advantages stem from a superior stretch-shortening cycle function, which allows energy to be stored and used more effectively. We know from research that power output is proportional to the amount of energy that can be stored and released from the muscle-tendon junction during the muscle contraction." That is way above my head, but it sounds like it makes sense.

Third, Bolt also has exceptional reaction time. Out of the blocks in London's 100m finals, despite saying he sat back a bit for fear of a false start and being disqualified a la the 2011 World Championships, Bolt's reaction after the gun was clocked at 0.165 second, vs. Blake (0.179 sec) and Gatlin (0.178 sec). Imagine if the ridiculous "one false start and you're out" rule wasn't in place, and Bolt was able to react without fear of a false start and disqualification.

Though Bolt blew everyone's socks off yet again, my favorite track and field athletes in these Olympics are, bar-none, Allyson Felix and Sanya Richards Ross. Felix finished 5th in the 100m, but finally captured the elusive gold in the 200m; and Richards Ross avenged her 2008 4th place finish in the 400m with a win in London. Both heavy favorites in their premier events, I think what I love about them both is how strong, yet feminine they both are. There is no question looking at their physiques that they are world-class athletes, but they both manage to also be drop-dead gorgeous in a sport where woman aren't usually seen that way. They had the determination to train for four years after bitter disappointment for the chance to redeem themselves. They are definitely women that little girls - and 29 year old mothers - want to be, and women who deserve our admiration.

Sanya Richards Ross after winning the 400m gold medal. Photo credit: Getty images.

Allyson Felix as she finishes her gold-medal-winning 200m race. Photo credit: AP

 
Speaking of admiration, I can't talk about 2012 Olympic track and field without discussing South Africa's Oscar Pistorius, who is a double amputee. After a long battle for inclusion in able-bodied competition in the individual events, Pistorius qualified for the Olympics and reached the semifinals in the 400 meters. The argument against allowing him in the able-bodied competition was that his  artificial lower legs, while enabling him to compete, give him an unfair advantage over able-bodied runners. Pistorius' argument is, if that were true, then all Paralympians would be running able-bodied times - but they aren't. In fact, Pistorius is by far the best Paralympian runner, and the first amputee to ever compete in Olympics track and field. I happen to agree with him, and I'm so glad he was finally able to compete in the Olympics, further proving that anything is possible. Pistorius is unquestionably the most inspiring athlete of these games, and despite not even making the finals in his individual event, he is one of the most respected athletes to compete in London.

South Africa's Oscar Pistorius, a double amputee, competes in the 400m. Photo credit: Reuters

From Bolt, Felix, Richards Ross and Pistorius, to Britain's Jessica Ennis surviving the weight of a country on her shoulders to win the women's heptathlon, David Rushida's world-record 800 meter win, and Manteo Mitchell finishing the first leg of the US 4x400 relay on a broken leg, track and field in London has surpassed my expectations and served to further my love for the sport.

The ultimate female conundrum

Good Ryan Lochte

Bad Ryan Lochte

I'm in the middle of a personal conundrum, and one I know many other women are simultaneously suffering through: we are obsessed with the way Ryan Lochte looks, but can we ignore his antics, which reek of douchebaggery?

First, the good: Lochte is incredibly good looking, from top to bottom. He is the kind of good looking that even guys can't ignore - I challenge you to find a man who doesn't agree that he is ridiculously good looking. The face! The body! The dolphin kick! He is one of very few men in the world that all other men know they stand no chance against when it comes to getting ANY girl.
 
But then comes the bad: We've all seen his diamond-encrusted American flag grill (ugh), heard his interviews (double ugh), and seen his sparkly high-top sneakers with wings and/or his name on the soles (puke). His persona is vomit-inducing, including how he describes his personal style:

"All the stuff that I do, like, the crazy shoes I wear—like the grills I wear on the podium, the crazy shoes, all that crazy stuff—like, rock star."

Groan.
 
He still lives in Gainesville, Fla., his college town, five years after graduating, and just last year admitted, at age 26, to be over dating college girls. Despite having numerous endorsements, he lives with two other guys in a condo, one of whom is still in college. He has his own expression that he shouts out, tweets out, and puts on his self-designed sneakers: "JEAH!" What does it even mean?! It's so lame you have to laugh.

In the past week, I've come to realize that Lochte represents everything women love and hate about men - he is literally the perfect physical male specimen, but he is every douche-y stereotype rolled into one (the clothes, the grill, the rap music, the one night stands, the catch phrases, living in his college town five years post graduation... I could go on and on). He is the ultimate frat boy who happens to be one of the best swimmers in the world.


That being said, all I can think of is that Lochte is a big, dumb animal. He reminds me of the "How I Met Your Mother" episode with Katy Perry. They call her "Honey" because she is so pretty but so ditzy and naive, that everything she says is followed by, "Oh, honey." Every time I hear Lochte talk, I just think "Oh, honey..." or, in the Southern way of saying it, "Bless his heart." He is so dumb it's almost endearing.

Everything in life evens out: Lochte is so ridiculously good looking and talented that there has to be a catch, and there is - he is a living, breathing Derek Zoolander. There aren't a lot of people who can have it all - looks, brains and talent - but two out of three ain't bad, Ryan.


The difference between Lochte and true d-bags is that he doesn't seem to be a jerk. Lame, yes, but not a jerk. On his Twitter feed, along with shout outs to Lil' Wayne, he constantly posts pics of him with his adorable nephew (and we can't blame Ryan for his name - Zaydin), and all women know that men who love babies can't be all bad. So ladies, I will leave you with this:

Uncle Ryan

Even one who seems to be a DB has a soft side, and this bodes well for his future. Will we see a different, more mature (and grill-less) Lochte in Rio? Here's hoping.

Gymnastics "controversy"

Image credit: Gregory Bull/AP

On Sunday night, Jordyn Wieber of the U.S. failed to qualify for the All Around finals, despite finishing fourth overall. How is this possible, you ask? Because two of Wieber's teammates - Gabby Douglas and Ali Raisman - finished ahead of her, and the idiotic rule is that only two athletes from each country can go on to compete in the All Around Final. 

Here's what I have to say about that - only two athletes advancing from each country is a joke. The rule is intended to keep a single nation (or a few select nations) from single-handedly dominating the medal podium, but what it's really doing is keeping deserving gymnasts who legitimately earn high scores from taking part in competitions they've earned the right to dominate. The "top 24" advance to the All Around, but the best 24 aren't competing - the 3rd-place athletes from the U.S., Russia and Romania, though having top -24 scores, won't be there.

I know this has been a rule for awhile, but it still infuriates me;  it's like the Olympic Committee is saying, "I know you've worked out 7 hours a day every day of your life, but let's give someone from (insert gymnastics non-powerhouse country here) a chance - even though they will never medal and you may have had a chance." 

Case in point: in 1992, Tatiana Gutsu (of the then "Unified Team") had a rough qualification and finished fourth on her team (then, each country could send three to the All Around). But her coaches knew she had a chance to win, so the 3rd place finisher on that team, poor Roza Galieva, was forced (in her words) to say she had an injury and couldn't compete so Gutsu could - and Gutsu won the gold medal. If not for being on a powerhouse team, Gutsu would have made it to the All Around without a teammate having to fall on the proverbial sword.

Top 24 should mean TOP 24, no matter what country they are from.

This one of for the ladies: Olympic hotties

It's finally that time I wait every 4 years for - The Olympics! It's been 1,433 days since the Beijing closing ceremonies, and I can hardly contain my excitement!

Every four years my friends and I discuss what all women who love sports discuss - who are the hottest male Olympic athletes? I have seen many lists going around the internet and I just had to compile my own. So ladies, without further adieu, here is MY list of the Hottest 2012 Olympic Athletes (in no particular order)...

Ryan Lochte, Swimming, USA  

Duh.

James Magnussen, Swimming, Australia

 I hate to say this, but he’s giving my love Ryan (Lochte, of course) a run for his money. Known as “The Missle,” he is the current 100-meter freestyle world champion, and Ian “The Thorpedo” Thorpe (I guess those Aussies love their nicknames) says this hottie has the chance to be one of the best Aussie swimmers in history (and he’s only 21).

Andreas Thorkildsen, Javelin, Norway

First of all, he is BAD ASS; Thorkildsen (try saying that three times fast) is the first male javelin thrower in history to be European Champion, World Champion and Olympic Champion (gold in 2004 AND 2008). Secondly, he is SUPER hot and his nickname is - no joke - “The Nordic God of Javelin.” Also, he is known as “more California than a Californian” and lives in San Diego. Maybe I should go visit my brother there soon….

Giuseppe Lanzone, Rowing, USA

Lanzone could be a legit Ralph Lauren model. Lucky for him, since I don’t think rowing pays too many bills. This is his second Olympics, he went to the University of Washington (class of 2006), and is a native of McLean, Va... do we care about any of this? Look at his picture and enjoy.

Sam Mikulak, Gymnastics, USA

 I will make an exception on the “shorty” rule (he’s 5’6”) for this wee hottie.

Troy Dumais, Diving, USA

Even though he participates in perhaps the most homo erotic of all sports (synchronized diving), I will give him a hottie pass because he is primarily a singles-diver.

Clemente Russo, Boxing, Italy  

A true Italian Stallion is every sense of the word. A policeman during the day, Russo won the silver as a heavyweight in Beijing in 2008, and is competing in his third Olympics.

Ricky Berens, Swimming, USA

What is with swimmers being so hot? And the four on this list are even super hot with their shirts on, which is WHY they are on the list. At the 2008 Summer Olympics, Berens swam the third leg of the gold-medal winning and world-record-setting men's 4×200-meter freestyle relay, with Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, and Peter Vanderkaay. These swimmers really stick together - his girlfriend is Olympic gold medalist and world record holder Rebecca Soni.

Luca Marin, Swimming, Italy

The final swimmer on our list, this hottie is probably best known in Italy for his out-of-the-pool activities. He's had soap-opera-like relationships, once with a French swimmer, then a fellow Italian swimmer; he made tabloid headlines when Olympic gold medalist Federica Pellegrini, the best Italian swimmer of all time, left him and got engaged to another Italian swimmer;  he was on the Italian version of Dancing with the Stars, and has been on an Italian “telenovela.” This Olympics, he said he hopes to put the gossip aside and reach the medal stand - I concur! The better he does, the more heats he swims and the more we get to see of him!

 

Hans Van Alphen, Decathlon, Belgium

Probably won’t medal, but as long as he takes his shirt off during the competition, I’ll be happy.

Pascal Behrenbruch, Decathlon, Germany 

The prototypical German-looking hottie, Behrenbruh won the 2012 European Championships. Though I’ll be rooting for Ashton Eaton, Behrenbruch and van Alphen will make this 10-event marathon F-U-N to watch.

Do you agree/disagree? Who do you think I left out?

In awe of Phelps

These are Michael Phelps' Olympics, and everyone else just happens to be there.

Through 5 events, Phelps has 5 gold medals, and 5 World Records. Oh yeah, and his total gold medal count now stands at 11, the most ever by an athlete in the Olympics.

And yet, even though this was expected of him, this dominance was almost a given, we are still in awe.

We are in awe of the man-fish, who, swimming against the best swimmers in the world, won the 200 meter freestyle by over two seconds, and broke the world record by more than a full second.

Even in his "questionable" race, meaning, not the one that he wasn't great at, but the one that had swimmers that were seemingly capable of beating him, it simply wasn't so -- Phelps won the gold by more than two seconds, with the man who everyone thought had a chance to beat him, teammate Ryan Lochte, fading to third, more than four seconds behind Phelps.

Much has been talked about Phelps and his natural abilities - his 6'4 frame, his abnormally long torso which is that of a man 6'8", and his shorter legs, which therefore create less drag in the water, with his core being lower in his body, more like that of a fish. His size 14 feet resemble flippers, he has a 6'7" wingspan, and is double jointed. Somehow his body creates about 1/2 the lactic acid of other world-class athletes, which prevents his muscles from tiring and cramping when others would. But, despite the physical attributes that make him almost born to spend much of his life in the water, it is Phelps' drive and determination that have made him the best Olympian ever. And he's not done yet.

Phelps' is Jordan-eque in his hatred of losing; he is Roger Clemens-esque in the intensity of his workouts (minus the 'roids)... he doesn't seem to hate killer workouts or putting his personal life on hold to concentrate on his ultimate goal.

He must consume between 8,000 and 10,000 calories a day just to make up for how hard he trains... and he has 2% body fat.

And to prove to the world that he isn't cheating, that it is God-given ability and hard-as-heck training that has made him the champion that he is, Phelps' volunteered for rigorous drug testing during the Olympics, being tested at LEAST once a day.

And I think one of the things that draws us into Phelps, besides his 6'4" perfect frame, is that he is like a kid when he gets each and every gold medal around his neck - smiling and taking it in, not like the Chinese robots who look solemn, and almost relieved, to get their gold.

So even though we expected this of Phelps, it is still fun to watch, we all still cheer him on each and every race, almost like we do Tiger Woods. They are two of the few Goliath-like athletes that the world cheers for against the underdog Davids of the sporting world. And that is because each time we see Phelps or Woods competing, we KNOW that we are watching history, the best to ever do their sport, and that is exciting, and awe-inspiring.


Oh, and for those of you keeping up, who want to see history live, here are Phelps' remaining races:
• Race No. 6 -- 200 individual medley: Friday morning Beijing time, Thursday night in the U.S.

• Race No. 7 -- 100 butterfly: Saturday morning Beijing time, Friday night in the U.S.

• Race No. 8 -- 4x100 medley relay: Sunday morning Beijing time, Saturday night in the U.S.


Finally, for your viewing pleasure...

"Sports" that should not be in the Olympics

So last night I had a conversation with my friend Mary about ridiculous "sports" that are in the Olympics. Let's run with it...

"Sports that should NOT be in the Olympics, (and even calling them sports in the first place is a stretch)"

Summer Olympics:

Handball - I've said this before, but I really didn't know it was a legitimate "sport." I thought it was like that game suicide you played in elementary school, where you threw the ball against the wall, and if you caught it you threw it back against the wall as hard as you could, but if you touched the ball and didn't catch it you had to run up to the wall before the next person threw the ball against the wall. If you didnt beat the throw, you had to stand against the wall, and the thrower got to whip the ball at you, and you always hoped it was a girl or a weak boy throwing so it didn't hurt too much. Oh my God, can you imagine that game being played at schools these days?! Kids would get in trouble for assault or something. Geez, so much has changed in 15 years. Anyway, if they have handball in the Olmypics they might as well have school-yard "suicide". It's like soccer, but the opposite - you can't use your feet. No one even knows this sport exists outside of the Olympics, and even then, it's not even on TV.

Badmitton - I already went over this one... it is something we WASPS used to play after church while we were waiting for grandma to cook Sunday dinner. It is as much a sport as croquet, which is NOT in the Olympics (yet... just give them time. Hey, maybe they'll take away basketball to make room for it!) Oh, and the thing they hit is called a shuttlecock - how are we supposed to take this seriously??

Synchronized swimming - Okay, any "sport" where you wear a costume shouldn't be in the Olmypics. Is it hard? Hell yes. Should it be in the Olmypics? Hell NO. They wear makeup in the pool... give me a break.

Synchronized diving - OK... so, they just added this sport in the last Olympics. It makes me mad cause, its just the same as diving, but they put two people from the same country next to each other on the platform, then they do the same dive at the same time. It's always the people who are already competing in the individual event, and they just want another event to give medals in. Seriously, they are taking away baseball and softball, but added synchronized diving and trampoline. I'm going to gorge out my eyeballs.

Trampoline - The newest of the Olympic "sports." It is really cool to watch, but...
me: thats something you do in the backyard for fun when youre 12
Mary: those people can't hack real gymnastics OR skiing
me: i mean, anyone can flip on a trampoline, honestly
Mary: don't they have music
i think they have music
me: then at the end when they "land"
its wicked funny
me: "he stuck the landing!"
or
"oooh a small bounce after landing. they're going to deduct a tenth for that"
Mary: i think they do some crazy flips
Mary: but its still pretty retarded
Me: yeah they do crazy stuff. but its stupid.

Rhythmic Gymnastics - Okay, like synchronized swimming, any sport that you wear a "costume" shouldn't be in the Olympics. Along the same lines, any "sport" where props are used? NOT A SPORT.

Racewalking - Any event that makes you look like a dork shouldn't be in the Olympics. When your kids are older they can tell their friends their Daddy won an Olympic gold medal. When they ask for what sport and they have to say "racewalking," just see the look on their friend's faces (pity, trying not to laugh.

Dressage (part of equestrian) - OK, so it's part of a three-part event, but it's basically a pageant for horses. They see how well they trot, walk, run, etc. And the horses aren't even the rider's own, they pick them at the beginning of the competition. Like a costume, any sport where the person has to wear a top hat and a coat with tails should not garner an Olympic medal.

Modern pentathlon - For most of you who don't know, this event consistns of fencing, running, swimming, shooting (rifle) and riding (a horse)... so basically you are an adequate fencer, runner, swimmer, shooter and horseback rider
but you're not good enough to be the best at any of these so... you just do them all.

Canoe/kayak - Fun activities. Not sports.

Sailing - This one I did wrestle with, cause sailing is cool, and really difficult. I just don't think it should be in the Olympics if something like golf isn't. Only rich white people do it, and no one cares to watch cause, well, its out in the ocean so you can't even see it.

Table Tennis - This one KILLS me. First of all, it's ping pong. Second, its sooo lame. I mean, the Chinese go crazy for it, but they also go crazy for badmitton, soooo... Anyway, a sport that Forrest Gump (even in a movie) can be World Champion in clearly isn't a sport. Ahhhhh it's a game you play in your basement after hitting the bong, not something for Olympians! I need to move on, I'm getting angry.


Winter Olympics:

Ice Dancing - Mary: "What the hell?! you can't even do the coolest figure skating moves! okay, you're athletes, but you can't do jumps or throws
awesome. sounds like fun."
So yeah, let's do the tango on the ice, and call it a sport. Then why not friggen ballroom dancing? Oh no, I probably just gave the IOC an idea...

Aerial skiing - Aerial skiing is a a huge jump basically, they do twists and turns, then land and get a score
Mary: "Its for people who couldn't do real gymnastics (too tall, probably)but can ski."

Ski jumping - I mean, it takes guts, that's for sure... but it isn't a sport, its something Evel Knievel would do!

Biathlon - So, you aren't THAT great at xc skiing, or shooting... but you're pretty good at both - maybe you can win an Olympic medal!

last but not least...

Curling - The least athletic "sport" in the world. If there is any sport that makes you look like a dork, this is it.


I will let Mary have the final word:

Mary: "Synchronized swimmers, rhythmic gymasts, and trampoliners are just a waste of Olympic medals that could just be given to Michael Phelps."

W2W4 August 7-10

We are getting close... here's a schedule of the first days of competition.

Thursday, Aug. 7

MSNBC, 4:30-7 a.m. — Men's Soccer, USA vs. Japan (LIVE)
Just in case you don't know, in the Olympics, soccer teams are U-23, with 3 (I think) players above 23. However, with World Cup qualifying going on, most national team players are unavailable for the Olympics, so it's the U-23s who aren't quite good enough to be on the Senior National team, and 3 over-the-hill players who aren't good enough to be on the Senior National team anymore. The Olympics ladies and gentlemen!
That said, the men's team is good, led by Freddy Adu, but in a tough group with The Netherlands, Nigeria and Japan. The U.S. men MUST get a win against Japan if they have any hope of advancing out of the group stage.

TELEMUNDO, 4:30-7 a.m. — Men's Soccer, Honduras vs. Italy (LIVE) Italy, always a powerhouse, should beat up on poor Honduras, who snuck into the Olympics.


7:30-10 a.m. — Men's Soccer, Ivory Coast vs. Argentina (LIVE)
Heavy favorites to win the gold, Argentina will face a strong Ivory Coast that won their group to make it to the Games


UNIVERSAL HD, 4:30-7 a.m. — Men's Soccer, USA vs. Japan (Simulcast)
El equipo masculino es muy fuerte, pero en un grupo resistente con los Países Bajos, Nigeria y Japón. Los hombres estadounidenses DEBEN conseguir un triunfo contra Japón si ellos tienen alguna esperanza del avance de la etapa de grupo.
(or something... hahaha)

NBC OLYMPIC SOCCER CHANNEL, 5 a.m.-5 p.m. — Men's games

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Friday, Aug. 8

NBC and NBC HD, 8 p.m.-Midnight — Opening Ceremony

Always kinda boring, but a must-see. I sit around all night waiting for the athletes to enter, and I always somehow miss the US. I don't know why. I watch for 3 hours and my phone will ring during the US - it in inevitable. Let's watch China try to prove why they were chosen as hosts. That, in my opinion, was a ridiculous decision. I mean, what was the IOC (International Olympic Committee) thinking? "Yeah, I think it would be a really fantastic idea to hold the Olympics, the world's premier ATHLETIC EVENT, in the city with the highest amount of pollution, and air that is practically unbreathable. Congratulations Beijing!"

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Saturday, Aug. 9 -- LET THE EVENTS BEGIN!!!!!!

NBC and NBC HD, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. — Women's Volleyball - USA vs. Japan (LIVE); Swimming; Beach Volleyball - USA Match; Men's Cycling - Road Race; Women's Fencing - Individual Sabre Gold Medal Final; Rowing

PHELPS WATCH:
Day 1 of Michael Phelps mania. Going for the record of 8 golds, he is the highlight of the early events on Day 1.
6:50pm 400 IM prelims
Fittingly, Phelps is in the first race of the meet, and he can basically swim it like a workout and advance.


8 p.m.-Midnight — Swimming (LIVE): Gold Medal Finals: Men's 400-meter Freestyle, 400-meter Individual Medley; Women's 400-meter Individual Medley, 4x100-meter Freestyle Relay; Men's 100 breaststroke semifinals (LIVE); Women's 100-meter Butterfly semifinals (LIVE); Beach Volleyball - USA Match (LIVE); Men's Gymnastics Team Competition

Gymnastics, always a viewer-favorite. This year's U.S. men's team just got a whole lot weaker with Paul Hamm (2004 gold medalist) having to bow out with an injury. I love men's gymnastics, but I really hate when they interview them after and I see that they are 5'4 and have chipmunk voices. It just kills it.

12:30-2 a.m. — Men's Volleyball - USA vs. Venezuela (LIVE)
The US men are good, not medal favorites by any means (*Brazil, Russia, China), but never count the Americans out of an event in which athleticism rules.

USA and USA HD, 2 a.m.-2 p.m. — Women's Soccer - USA vs. Japan (LIVE) and Canada vs. China; Women's Basketball - USA vs. Czech Republic (LIVE); Equestrian - Eventing Dressage; Beach Volleyball; Women's Fencing - Individual Sabre Gold Medal Final; Women's Shooting - Air Rifle Gold Medal Final; Badminton Singles Competition; Women's Weightlifting - Flyweight Gold Medal Final

USA women's soccer looking to make up for embarassing showing at the 2007 World Cup.
USA women's basketball is, of course, the team to beat, and I don't know much about Czech basketball... which I guess tells me all I need to know, doesn't it? Easy win for the Americans.

Equestrian Dressage? GIVE ME A BREAK how is this in the Olympics, but they are taking out baseball and softball? It baffles me. Any event you compete in a top hat and a jacket with tails is not a sport.

Not a huge fan of weightlifting, but watching how much "flyweight" women can lift will blow your mind.


CNBC and CNBC HD, 2-4:30 a.m. — Boxing 75kg, 81kg Competition (LIVE)
Olympic boxing is NOTHING like the boxing we see from Las Vegas. If you ask me, it's more fun to watch, with actual skill and not just beating each other to smitherines.

5-8 p.m. — Boxing 75kg, 81kg Competition

MSNBC, 5 a.m.-5 p.m. — Women's Soccer - Nigeria vs. Germany (LIVE) and Brazil vs. North Korea (LIVE); Women's Volleyball - Italy vs. Russia and Poland vs. Cuba; Women's Handball - France vs. Angola and Russia vs. South Korea; Badminton Singles Competition

Brazil won the Women's World Cup in '07, and they are looking to prove it wasn't a fluke. Germany is good as always

I didn't know handball was a sport, I thought it was something you did as a joke on a raquetball court.

In the US, badmitton is what we WASPS play after church on Sunday while grandma is cooking supper. In China, it was the first Olympic sport to see out of tickets. No lie.

TELEMUNDO, 7:30 a.m.-2 p.m. — Women's Soccer - USA vs. Japan (LIVE); Beach Volleyball; Boxing; Women's Volleyball
Si habla espanol, mirar este programo

6-8 p.m. — Beach Volleyball; Boxing
Beach volleyball. In China. Really? The only reason anyone watching this sport is to see women in bikinis and no one can deny that.

Midnight-1 a.m. — TBA

NBC OLYMPIC BASKETBALL CHANNEL, 2:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. — Women's games

NBC OLYMPIC SOCCER CHANNEL, 5 a.m.-5 p.m. — Women's games

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Sunday, Aug. 10

NBC and NBC HD, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. — Men's Basketball - USA vs. China (LIVE); Swimming; Beach Volleyball; Men's Water Polo - USA vs. China; Women's Cycling Road Race; Women's Weightlifting - 53kg Gold Medal Final; Men's & Women's Badminton; Rowing

Hmmm let's see USA men's basketball (Kobe, LeBron, Dwyane, etc.) vs. China, a country of people who are 5'4". Oh yeah, they have Yao Ming... ok, so he'll score 20 of their 40 points in a 50 point loss.

PHELPS WATCH:
10am 400 IM final - Phelps is the WR holder in this event, and the reigning Olympic and World Championship gold medalist -- GOLD #1


7 p.m.-Midnight — Swimming (LIVE): Gold Medal Finals: Men's 100-meter Breaststroke, Men's 4x100-meter Freestyle Relay, Women's 100-meter Butterfly, Women's 400-meter Freestyle; Men's 200-meter Freestyle semifinals; Men's 100-meter Backstroke semifinals; Women's 100-meter Backstroke semifinals and Women's 100-meter Breaststroke semifinals; Women's Gymnastics Team Competition; Women's Diving - Springboard Synchronized Gold Medal Final; Men's and Women's Rowing - Eights Competition

PHELPS WATCH:

7:30pm 200 Free Prelims
The finals is 9 hours earlier, so Phelps will have plenty of energy for his best stroke. it's a prelim race, so he can coast and move on.

Women's gymnastics begins, and they are saying the gold is the US's to lose, which of course means they will choke and the Chinese will step up on home soil.

Synchronized swimming is another "sport" that baffles me. Yes, I understand that it is difficult and takes athleticism, but really. They wear makeup and costumes. That is ballet in water, and not a sport.

Synchronized diving is another one that pisses me off. I mean, all they do is put two good divers from the same country together and have them do the same dive. Again, they are taking away Olympic baseball, but synchronized diving is an event. I will watch it of course, but it still grinds my gears.

12:35-2 a.m. — Women's Volleyball - USA vs. Cuba (LIVE)
Cuba = volleyball powerhouse

CNBC and CNBC HD, Midnight-4:30 a.m. — Tennis (LIVE); Boxing 64kg, 69kg Competition (LIVE)
I like tennis, but Grand Slams are 100 times more important in the sport than the Olympics. For women, Maria Sharapova is competing for Russia (even though she is about as Russian as I am) and will be a favorite, along with the Williams' sisters. On the men's side, it's Federer's tournament to lose.

4-7 p.m. — Boxing 64kg, 69kg Competition

USA and USA HD, 2 a.m.-2 p.m. — Men's Soccer - USA vs. Netherlands (LIVE) and Argentina vs. Australia; Men's Basketball - Lithuania vs. Argentina (LIVE); Tennis (LIVE); Beach Volleyball; Equestrian - Dressage; Women's Archery - Team Gold Medal Final; Men's Weightlifting 56kg Gold Medal Final

The US men's soccer team is led by Freddy Adu, who is finally showing the talent we all knew he had 4 years ago, and Brian McBride, who should be playing on the master's team, not with the U-23s. There isn't a masters team? Ok, then he should retire. The only reason he made the team is because the teams get 3 over 23 players, and all of the senior national team members have World Cup qualifying committments, which means the only players available are cast-offs. Anyway, the US is playing The Netherlands, where soccer is, quite literally, life. I'm gonna go ahead and say Holland wins this one.

MSNBC, 5 a.m.-5 p.m. — Men's Soccer - Italy vs. South Korea (LIVE); Men's Volleyball - Serbia vs. Russia and Bulgaria vs. China; Women's Field Hockey - USA vs. Argentina (LIVE); Men's Shooting - Trap Gold Medal Final; Men's Water Polo - Hungary vs. Montenegro and Croatia vs. Italy; Badminton; Men's Handball - Croatia vs. Spain

Italy will rout South Korea in soccer.

Russia and China will win in men's volleyball... is it just me or does anyone else find it weird that CHINA is so good at volleyball, where players are 6'4 and taller?

I didn't even know field hockey was in the Olympics. Hm. Color me suprised. I bet this is one of those sports where India is good or something random.

Okay, men's water polo... Do I care about the sport? No. Will I watch? HELL YES. Why? I think you ladies should just take a look at this: http://www.usawaterpolo.org/NationalTeams/MensNationalTeam.aspx
Seriously, just look at them, then tell me you won't be watching them, in the water... in speedos. I'm just sayin'.

Badmitton, handball... I can't even talk about these. These are the Olympics, not "Games you play drunk cause it's funny"

TELEMUNDO — 4 a.m.-2 p.m. — Men's Soccer - Argentina vs. Australia (LIVE) and New Zealand vs. Brazil; Men's Volleyball; Swimming - Gold Medal Finals; Men's Basketball; Men's Gymnastics; Beach Volleyball
6-7 p.m. — Boxing Elimination Bouts
In case you care.

Midnight-1 a.m. — TBA

UNIVERSAL HD — 24-hour MSNBC & CNBC HD Simulcasts and Coverage

NBC OLYMPIC BASKETBALL CHANNEL, 2:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. — Men's games

NBC OLYMPIC SOCCER CHANNEL, 5 a.m.-7 p.m. — Men's games

Countdown to the greatest two weeks of every four years

Yes. I am obsessed with the Olympics. I mean, literally obsessed. In 1996 I was staying with my grandparents in Mexico and I got the dreaded curse. Luckily, the Olympics were on to save me from my misery. I watched morning-noon-and night. Track and field, swimming, basketball, gymnastics, rowing, archery, I DO NOT CARE. I catalogued all of the medal winners (I was 13 get off my back).

I really can't get enough of the Olympics. I even went out and got a bigger tv (I had a 19 inch because I'm cheap). I would DIE for HD, but, alas, can't afford it :(

ANYWAY. I will be writing a lot about the Olympics. I'll start my preview asap (unfortunately I have "work" I have to do first).


USA! USA! USA!