The ultimate female conundrum

Good Ryan Lochte

Bad Ryan Lochte

I'm in the middle of a personal conundrum, and one I know many other women are simultaneously suffering through: we are obsessed with the way Ryan Lochte looks, but can we ignore his antics, which reek of douchebaggery?

First, the good: Lochte is incredibly good looking, from top to bottom. He is the kind of good looking that even guys can't ignore - I challenge you to find a man who doesn't agree that he is ridiculously good looking. The face! The body! The dolphin kick! He is one of very few men in the world that all other men know they stand no chance against when it comes to getting ANY girl.
 
But then comes the bad: We've all seen his diamond-encrusted American flag grill (ugh), heard his interviews (double ugh), and seen his sparkly high-top sneakers with wings and/or his name on the soles (puke). His persona is vomit-inducing, including how he describes his personal style:

"All the stuff that I do, like, the crazy shoes I wear—like the grills I wear on the podium, the crazy shoes, all that crazy stuff—like, rock star."

Groan.
 
He still lives in Gainesville, Fla., his college town, five years after graduating, and just last year admitted, at age 26, to be over dating college girls. Despite having numerous endorsements, he lives with two other guys in a condo, one of whom is still in college. He has his own expression that he shouts out, tweets out, and puts on his self-designed sneakers: "JEAH!" What does it even mean?! It's so lame you have to laugh.

In the past week, I've come to realize that Lochte represents everything women love and hate about men - he is literally the perfect physical male specimen, but he is every douche-y stereotype rolled into one (the clothes, the grill, the rap music, the one night stands, the catch phrases, living in his college town five years post graduation... I could go on and on). He is the ultimate frat boy who happens to be one of the best swimmers in the world.


That being said, all I can think of is that Lochte is a big, dumb animal. He reminds me of the "How I Met Your Mother" episode with Katy Perry. They call her "Honey" because she is so pretty but so ditzy and naive, that everything she says is followed by, "Oh, honey." Every time I hear Lochte talk, I just think "Oh, honey..." or, in the Southern way of saying it, "Bless his heart." He is so dumb it's almost endearing.

Everything in life evens out: Lochte is so ridiculously good looking and talented that there has to be a catch, and there is - he is a living, breathing Derek Zoolander. There aren't a lot of people who can have it all - looks, brains and talent - but two out of three ain't bad, Ryan.


The difference between Lochte and true d-bags is that he doesn't seem to be a jerk. Lame, yes, but not a jerk. On his Twitter feed, along with shout outs to Lil' Wayne, he constantly posts pics of him with his adorable nephew (and we can't blame Ryan for his name - Zaydin), and all women know that men who love babies can't be all bad. So ladies, I will leave you with this:

Uncle Ryan

Even one who seems to be a DB has a soft side, and this bodes well for his future. Will we see a different, more mature (and grill-less) Lochte in Rio? Here's hoping.

In awe of Phelps

These are Michael Phelps' Olympics, and everyone else just happens to be there.

Through 5 events, Phelps has 5 gold medals, and 5 World Records. Oh yeah, and his total gold medal count now stands at 11, the most ever by an athlete in the Olympics.

And yet, even though this was expected of him, this dominance was almost a given, we are still in awe.

We are in awe of the man-fish, who, swimming against the best swimmers in the world, won the 200 meter freestyle by over two seconds, and broke the world record by more than a full second.

Even in his "questionable" race, meaning, not the one that he wasn't great at, but the one that had swimmers that were seemingly capable of beating him, it simply wasn't so -- Phelps won the gold by more than two seconds, with the man who everyone thought had a chance to beat him, teammate Ryan Lochte, fading to third, more than four seconds behind Phelps.

Much has been talked about Phelps and his natural abilities - his 6'4 frame, his abnormally long torso which is that of a man 6'8", and his shorter legs, which therefore create less drag in the water, with his core being lower in his body, more like that of a fish. His size 14 feet resemble flippers, he has a 6'7" wingspan, and is double jointed. Somehow his body creates about 1/2 the lactic acid of other world-class athletes, which prevents his muscles from tiring and cramping when others would. But, despite the physical attributes that make him almost born to spend much of his life in the water, it is Phelps' drive and determination that have made him the best Olympian ever. And he's not done yet.

Phelps' is Jordan-eque in his hatred of losing; he is Roger Clemens-esque in the intensity of his workouts (minus the 'roids)... he doesn't seem to hate killer workouts or putting his personal life on hold to concentrate on his ultimate goal.

He must consume between 8,000 and 10,000 calories a day just to make up for how hard he trains... and he has 2% body fat.

And to prove to the world that he isn't cheating, that it is God-given ability and hard-as-heck training that has made him the champion that he is, Phelps' volunteered for rigorous drug testing during the Olympics, being tested at LEAST once a day.

And I think one of the things that draws us into Phelps, besides his 6'4" perfect frame, is that he is like a kid when he gets each and every gold medal around his neck - smiling and taking it in, not like the Chinese robots who look solemn, and almost relieved, to get their gold.

So even though we expected this of Phelps, it is still fun to watch, we all still cheer him on each and every race, almost like we do Tiger Woods. They are two of the few Goliath-like athletes that the world cheers for against the underdog Davids of the sporting world. And that is because each time we see Phelps or Woods competing, we KNOW that we are watching history, the best to ever do their sport, and that is exciting, and awe-inspiring.


Oh, and for those of you keeping up, who want to see history live, here are Phelps' remaining races:
• Race No. 6 -- 200 individual medley: Friday morning Beijing time, Thursday night in the U.S.

• Race No. 7 -- 100 butterfly: Saturday morning Beijing time, Friday night in the U.S.

• Race No. 8 -- 4x100 medley relay: Sunday morning Beijing time, Saturday night in the U.S.


Finally, for your viewing pleasure...