Hottie Results

As we said “goodbye” to the 2012 London Games, we also said farewell to our favorite sport of all – watching male athletes. As we began these Games with a list of our favorite athletes, we end by giving a roundup of how each of these fine-looking specimens fared in their respective events.

Ryan Lochte

The most decorated of our hotties, with five medals in London, including two gold. However, Lochte was hoping for these to be “his games” and his results, though exceptional, were below the level he was hoping. In his “signature event,” Lochte was a disappointing 3rd. However he beat Phelps in their first meeting, the 400IM, but later was defeated by the winningest Olympian of all time in the 200IM. But unquestionably, Lochte was the face of Olympic hotties in 2012.

2 gold – 400IM, 4x200 Free relay

2 silver – 200IM, 4x100 Free relay

1 bronze – 200 back

James Magnussen

A disappointing Olympics all-around for Aussies in the pool, but particularly for “The Missle,” who was much-hyped in the leadup to London, but came away with just two medals, none of them gold. But at only 21 years old, this hottie should be gracing us with his presence for years to come.

1 silver – 100 free

1 bronze – 4x100 medley

Andreas Thorkildsen

An injury-plagued 2012 did not bode well for Thorkildsen, the gold medalist in both Athens and Beijing, and I’m sorry to report that the Nordic God of Javelin failed to place in the Olympics, finishing 6th in the finals. But after researching him more this morning, I HAVE to give this hottie my gold medal. 

You won the gold in my book, Andreas.

Giuseppe Lanzone 

Participated in only one event, the men’s 8,  where the U.S. just narrowly missed the bronze medal, by .3 seconds.

Sam Mikulak

No one thought the U.S. men would finish the gymnastics without a team medal; even less thought they would leave London with just one medal overall, which was Danell Leyva’s All Around bronze. 

Troy Dumais

The 31-year-old diver finally medaled in his third Olympics, taking bronze in the men’s synchronized 3m springboard. He finished 5th in the individual 3m springboard.

Clemente Russo 

The second-seeded heavyweight boxer lived up to his ranking - Russo made it to the final against Ukraine’s Oleksandr Usyk, where he was defeated, relegating him to the silver medal. The more I looked at him, the more I wonder how a boxer can have a face like this… 

I guess the second-best boxer in the world doesn't get punched in the face too often. Thankfully.

 

 

Ricky Berens

Only swam one individual event, where he didn’t make the finals. But Berens was on two relay teams, and medaled in both - including one gold.

                1 gold – 4x200m Freestyle Relay

                1 silver – 4x100m Freestyle relay

Luca Marin

8th place in his only event, the 400m IM, 9.71 behind winner and poll-winning favorite hottie, Ryan Lochte.

Han Van Alphen 

A surprising 4th place in the decathlon. He won the final event, the 1500m, to move into 4th, just 10 seconds shy of the  bronze medal.

Pascal Behrenbruch

A disappointing 10th place in the decathlon.

The ultimate female conundrum

Good Ryan Lochte

Bad Ryan Lochte

I'm in the middle of a personal conundrum, and one I know many other women are simultaneously suffering through: we are obsessed with the way Ryan Lochte looks, but can we ignore his antics, which reek of douchebaggery?

First, the good: Lochte is incredibly good looking, from top to bottom. He is the kind of good looking that even guys can't ignore - I challenge you to find a man who doesn't agree that he is ridiculously good looking. The face! The body! The dolphin kick! He is one of very few men in the world that all other men know they stand no chance against when it comes to getting ANY girl.
 
But then comes the bad: We've all seen his diamond-encrusted American flag grill (ugh), heard his interviews (double ugh), and seen his sparkly high-top sneakers with wings and/or his name on the soles (puke). His persona is vomit-inducing, including how he describes his personal style:

"All the stuff that I do, like, the crazy shoes I wear—like the grills I wear on the podium, the crazy shoes, all that crazy stuff—like, rock star."

Groan.
 
He still lives in Gainesville, Fla., his college town, five years after graduating, and just last year admitted, at age 26, to be over dating college girls. Despite having numerous endorsements, he lives with two other guys in a condo, one of whom is still in college. He has his own expression that he shouts out, tweets out, and puts on his self-designed sneakers: "JEAH!" What does it even mean?! It's so lame you have to laugh.

In the past week, I've come to realize that Lochte represents everything women love and hate about men - he is literally the perfect physical male specimen, but he is every douche-y stereotype rolled into one (the clothes, the grill, the rap music, the one night stands, the catch phrases, living in his college town five years post graduation... I could go on and on). He is the ultimate frat boy who happens to be one of the best swimmers in the world.


That being said, all I can think of is that Lochte is a big, dumb animal. He reminds me of the "How I Met Your Mother" episode with Katy Perry. They call her "Honey" because she is so pretty but so ditzy and naive, that everything she says is followed by, "Oh, honey." Every time I hear Lochte talk, I just think "Oh, honey..." or, in the Southern way of saying it, "Bless his heart." He is so dumb it's almost endearing.

Everything in life evens out: Lochte is so ridiculously good looking and talented that there has to be a catch, and there is - he is a living, breathing Derek Zoolander. There aren't a lot of people who can have it all - looks, brains and talent - but two out of three ain't bad, Ryan.


The difference between Lochte and true d-bags is that he doesn't seem to be a jerk. Lame, yes, but not a jerk. On his Twitter feed, along with shout outs to Lil' Wayne, he constantly posts pics of him with his adorable nephew (and we can't blame Ryan for his name - Zaydin), and all women know that men who love babies can't be all bad. So ladies, I will leave you with this:

Uncle Ryan

Even one who seems to be a DB has a soft side, and this bodes well for his future. Will we see a different, more mature (and grill-less) Lochte in Rio? Here's hoping.

This one of for the ladies: Olympic hotties

It's finally that time I wait every 4 years for - The Olympics! It's been 1,433 days since the Beijing closing ceremonies, and I can hardly contain my excitement!

Every four years my friends and I discuss what all women who love sports discuss - who are the hottest male Olympic athletes? I have seen many lists going around the internet and I just had to compile my own. So ladies, without further adieu, here is MY list of the Hottest 2012 Olympic Athletes (in no particular order)...

Ryan Lochte, Swimming, USA  

Duh.

James Magnussen, Swimming, Australia

 I hate to say this, but he’s giving my love Ryan (Lochte, of course) a run for his money. Known as “The Missle,” he is the current 100-meter freestyle world champion, and Ian “The Thorpedo” Thorpe (I guess those Aussies love their nicknames) says this hottie has the chance to be one of the best Aussie swimmers in history (and he’s only 21).

Andreas Thorkildsen, Javelin, Norway

First of all, he is BAD ASS; Thorkildsen (try saying that three times fast) is the first male javelin thrower in history to be European Champion, World Champion and Olympic Champion (gold in 2004 AND 2008). Secondly, he is SUPER hot and his nickname is - no joke - “The Nordic God of Javelin.” Also, he is known as “more California than a Californian” and lives in San Diego. Maybe I should go visit my brother there soon….

Giuseppe Lanzone, Rowing, USA

Lanzone could be a legit Ralph Lauren model. Lucky for him, since I don’t think rowing pays too many bills. This is his second Olympics, he went to the University of Washington (class of 2006), and is a native of McLean, Va... do we care about any of this? Look at his picture and enjoy.

Sam Mikulak, Gymnastics, USA

 I will make an exception on the “shorty” rule (he’s 5’6”) for this wee hottie.

Troy Dumais, Diving, USA

Even though he participates in perhaps the most homo erotic of all sports (synchronized diving), I will give him a hottie pass because he is primarily a singles-diver.

Clemente Russo, Boxing, Italy  

A true Italian Stallion is every sense of the word. A policeman during the day, Russo won the silver as a heavyweight in Beijing in 2008, and is competing in his third Olympics.

Ricky Berens, Swimming, USA

What is with swimmers being so hot? And the four on this list are even super hot with their shirts on, which is WHY they are on the list. At the 2008 Summer Olympics, Berens swam the third leg of the gold-medal winning and world-record-setting men's 4×200-meter freestyle relay, with Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, and Peter Vanderkaay. These swimmers really stick together - his girlfriend is Olympic gold medalist and world record holder Rebecca Soni.

Luca Marin, Swimming, Italy

The final swimmer on our list, this hottie is probably best known in Italy for his out-of-the-pool activities. He's had soap-opera-like relationships, once with a French swimmer, then a fellow Italian swimmer; he made tabloid headlines when Olympic gold medalist Federica Pellegrini, the best Italian swimmer of all time, left him and got engaged to another Italian swimmer;  he was on the Italian version of Dancing with the Stars, and has been on an Italian “telenovela.” This Olympics, he said he hopes to put the gossip aside and reach the medal stand - I concur! The better he does, the more heats he swims and the more we get to see of him!

 

Hans Van Alphen, Decathlon, Belgium

Probably won’t medal, but as long as he takes his shirt off during the competition, I’ll be happy.

Pascal Behrenbruch, Decathlon, Germany 

The prototypical German-looking hottie, Behrenbruh won the 2012 European Championships. Though I’ll be rooting for Ashton Eaton, Behrenbruch and van Alphen will make this 10-event marathon F-U-N to watch.

Do you agree/disagree? Who do you think I left out?

In awe of Phelps

These are Michael Phelps' Olympics, and everyone else just happens to be there.

Through 5 events, Phelps has 5 gold medals, and 5 World Records. Oh yeah, and his total gold medal count now stands at 11, the most ever by an athlete in the Olympics.

And yet, even though this was expected of him, this dominance was almost a given, we are still in awe.

We are in awe of the man-fish, who, swimming against the best swimmers in the world, won the 200 meter freestyle by over two seconds, and broke the world record by more than a full second.

Even in his "questionable" race, meaning, not the one that he wasn't great at, but the one that had swimmers that were seemingly capable of beating him, it simply wasn't so -- Phelps won the gold by more than two seconds, with the man who everyone thought had a chance to beat him, teammate Ryan Lochte, fading to third, more than four seconds behind Phelps.

Much has been talked about Phelps and his natural abilities - his 6'4 frame, his abnormally long torso which is that of a man 6'8", and his shorter legs, which therefore create less drag in the water, with his core being lower in his body, more like that of a fish. His size 14 feet resemble flippers, he has a 6'7" wingspan, and is double jointed. Somehow his body creates about 1/2 the lactic acid of other world-class athletes, which prevents his muscles from tiring and cramping when others would. But, despite the physical attributes that make him almost born to spend much of his life in the water, it is Phelps' drive and determination that have made him the best Olympian ever. And he's not done yet.

Phelps' is Jordan-eque in his hatred of losing; he is Roger Clemens-esque in the intensity of his workouts (minus the 'roids)... he doesn't seem to hate killer workouts or putting his personal life on hold to concentrate on his ultimate goal.

He must consume between 8,000 and 10,000 calories a day just to make up for how hard he trains... and he has 2% body fat.

And to prove to the world that he isn't cheating, that it is God-given ability and hard-as-heck training that has made him the champion that he is, Phelps' volunteered for rigorous drug testing during the Olympics, being tested at LEAST once a day.

And I think one of the things that draws us into Phelps, besides his 6'4" perfect frame, is that he is like a kid when he gets each and every gold medal around his neck - smiling and taking it in, not like the Chinese robots who look solemn, and almost relieved, to get their gold.

So even though we expected this of Phelps, it is still fun to watch, we all still cheer him on each and every race, almost like we do Tiger Woods. They are two of the few Goliath-like athletes that the world cheers for against the underdog Davids of the sporting world. And that is because each time we see Phelps or Woods competing, we KNOW that we are watching history, the best to ever do their sport, and that is exciting, and awe-inspiring.


Oh, and for those of you keeping up, who want to see history live, here are Phelps' remaining races:
• Race No. 6 -- 200 individual medley: Friday morning Beijing time, Thursday night in the U.S.

• Race No. 7 -- 100 butterfly: Saturday morning Beijing time, Friday night in the U.S.

• Race No. 8 -- 4x100 medley relay: Sunday morning Beijing time, Saturday night in the U.S.


Finally, for your viewing pleasure...

Oh Ryan, you're soooo funny