Not your mama's Brazil: The aftermath of Germany's rout

It was a beating of epic proportions; a smack down, a throttling, a whipping, a trouncing. No matter what you call it, Germany’s 7-1 win over Brazil in the 2014 World Cup semifinals was stunning—stunningly good for the Germans and, almost more noteworthy, stunningly bad for the Brazilians. Brazil was at home, where no one expected them to lose; but they were also at home, with more pressure than has probably ever been on one team.

You see, Brazil is a soccer (or fotebol) nation and they expect to always win—especially at home. But tragedy struck the team in the quarterfinals when superstar forward Neymar was hit from behind and fractured a vertebra, rendering him unable to play the rest of the tournament. The team was in shock that their star was out; in fact, it is reported that the team was so "stressed" about losing him that they had a sports psychologist come speak with them.

Apparently it didn't work.

The Brazil that showed up, also down central defender Thiago Silva who was out on the accumulation of yellow cards (which is a whole other issue we can discuss another time), looked more like a mediocre college team than a world-class national team with five World Cup trophies. They were sloppy, slow and uninspired. Instead of rallying around the loss of their superstar, they imploded.

All things said, this 2014 Brazil team was far from their best. They didn't play o jogo bonito, or fotebol arte, that we've become accustomed to seeing from them. There was little beauty in their recent games; there were no Brazilian playmakers gracefully dancing and weaving around the competition and they had the most fouls of any team in the tournament through the quarterfinals. The result (winning), not the style, was all that mattered. For a nation and a national team that prides itself on beautiful, flowing and exciting soccer, this was not the team of their dreams.

The news has all been about how bad Brazil was; but one of the reasons they were so bad was their opponent played nearly flawless soccer. The Germans played a masterful game and even a healthy Neymar couldn't have stopped their relentless perfection. They created opportunities and took advantage of every opportunity given by Brazil (and there were many). The Germans score five goals in the first half — in just 18 minutes. They were fluid, aggressive and physical. The result was perhaps the most complete, and certainly the most dominant, game in World Cup history.

I, along with most of the world, always forgets how good Germany is; how good they've always been. This was the fourth World Cup semifinal they've made in a row and the second final in the last four, with this game their redemption to losing to Brazil in the 2002 finals—the only other time these two teams have met. In 18 World Cups, they have finished in the top four 13 times (including this year's yet-to-be-determined final result); they won it all in 1954, 1974 and 1990, they've been runners-up four times (1966, 1982, 1986, 2002), come in third four times (1934, 1970, 2006, 2010) and fourth once (1958). Impressive to say the least. Their striker, 24-year-old Thomas Mueller is playing in his second World Cup with 10 goals in 12 games, making him just the second player to score five goals in consecutive World Cup tournaments. The other? Mueller's teammate Miroslav Klose, who did it in 2002 and 2006.

Germany is a national team that historically, and currently, is a force to be reckoned with. If you  want to read about how and why the German national team is so good, I highly suggest you read this article: How Germany's 14-Year Plan Destroyed Brazil, it's fascinating.

In the aftermath of the bloodbath in Belo Horizonte, we expected objects thrown onto the field and riots to break out across Brazil as fans openly and unapologetically wept in the stands. But then something beautiful happened: at the conclusion of the game, the Brazilian fans stood and applauded the German side that had just embarrassed their team (and some would say their nation). The show of sportsmanship was unexpected and inspiring; it reminded us that this game, this beautiful game, is more important than any result. And though national pride is at stake, the love of the game itself is the final outcome.

World Cup Semis ... from a female perspective

And then there were four; four teams and four World Cup semifinalists worthy of our admiration. We said "Au revoir" to Olivier Giroud of France and Nacer Chadli of Belgium, and "Adios" to Yeltsin Tejada of Costa Rica and James (Hi-mez) of Colombia. But those four who remain... well, let's just say I don't expect these semi final games to disappoint.

Game 1

Germany

Brazil

Germany vs. Brazil

Tuesday July 8 

4 p.m.

Representing Germany, we have Mats Hummels!

Mats Hummels, Germany

After somehow missing Mats in the first round, he has made a strong comeback. The 6'4" central defender scored a beautiful header in the quarterfinals against France. Much like in WWII, the Germans out-muscled the French, in no small part to Hummels (too soon?).

















Representing Brazil, we have Oscar (Oscar dos Santos Emboaba Júnior), the Chelsea attacking midfielder.

Oscar, Brazil

With the unfortunatel and devastating injury to Brazil's superstar Neymar, the hopes of the host nation lies squarely on the young shoulders of 22-year-old Oscar. With only one goal in the tournament and the expectation of 200 million Brazilians, I expect Oscar to step up to the role, but his for team to still have a difficult time against the much bigger and stronger German side.



Result: Losing Naymar is a killer for Brazil, and the squad hasn't even looked at good to begin with. The Germans are in their fourth-straight World Cup semi final and I expect them to push Brazil around physically in a way they aren't used to and won't react well to. Look for Die Mannschaft to head to their sixth World Cup final.

Game 2

The Netherlands

Argentina

    The Netherlands vs. Argentina

Wednesday, July 9

 4 p.m. 

For The Netherlands, we have their captain, Robin van Persie. This Dutch team isn't the Oranje of yore - it is the trickery of coach Louis van Gaal that has gotten them further in this tournament than anyone expected.

Robin van Persie, The Netherlands

The Dutch were clearly the stronger team in their quarterfinal match against Costa Rica, but their inability to score, primarily van Persie's multiple misses, are troubling. But if the Flying Dutchman - a moniker he earned after his diving header against Spain in the opening game of the World Cup - can get back to his form of the first two games of the tournament, Lionel Messi and his squad will have their hands full trying to reach the final.

Ezequiel Lavezzi, Argentina

Representing the other South American semi finalist nation, we have Ezequiel Lavezzi of Argentina. As Sergio Aguero's replacement in the last two games, Lavezzi, has done a fair job of supporting fellow attackers Gonzalo Higuain and superstar Lionel Messi. However, with Aguero being declared fit to play in the semifinal match, it is unclear if Lavezzi will have a starting role. He has played well enough, but is not the proven goalscorer that Aguero is - something the Argentinian squad will desperately need against Robin van Persie, Arjen Robben and the rest of the hungry Dutch squad.


Result: Without Messi, this Argentinian squad wouldn't have even made the quarterfinals. But the Dutch weren't supposed to be here, either. But with Angel DiMaria's thigh tear, Argentina's second best player and Messi's right-hand man is out, which spells disaster for the South Americans. If the Oranje can score like they did in the first round (which requires van Persie to return to form after a slight hamstring injury in practive before the quarters), then I don't see the injury-riddled La Albiceleste (The White and Sky Blue) matching them on the scoreboard, and the Dutch heading to their second-straight World Cup final.

If all goes according to my predictions, we'll have a German-Dutch World Cup final at Estádio Maracanã, in Rio de Janeiro.

The Netherlands

Germany

Will this be our World Cup Final?

Check it out:

Sunday, July 13,

3 p.m on ABC

World Cup Quarterfinals - which of our favorites are left?

And then there were three. Well, there are eight teams left, but only three of our "favorite" players from the original list remain. As a reminder:

Nacer Chadli, Belgium

Those abs... and arms... and face...and hair... and...

Robin Van Persie, The Netherlands

In all his chiseled glory.

Olivier Giroud, France

Handsome doesn't being to describe him... but the cheating scandal does hurt his hotness factor to a slight degree.

But only three just won't do. Thus, I've decided to add a player from each of the remaining teams, and I think we have some hotties that very well should have been on the initial list. So, here we are:

Mats Hummels, Germany

Are. You. Kidding. Me. HOW did I miss Mats Hummels on the first go-around? Germany's 25-year-old central defender is currently signed to Borussia Dortmund, but there are reports that Manchester United have bid on this schöne menschen (clearly it's true)... actually, they've reportedly bid on him the last three transfer windows, but the German club is holding on tight to this one. Can you blame them? *swoon*

Oh, he scored a goal against Portugal in this World Cup. 

Relationship status: NOT MARRIED! But his girlfriend was named Bundesliga's 2013 WAG of the Year

Yeltsin Tejeda, Costa Rica

Yeltsin Antonio Tejeda Valverde. An unfortunate first name (his mother was allegedly a big fan of the first president of the Russian Federation - true story) but man... he sure makes up for it. This picture says it all. Though, from other pictures, it seems like he suffers from pretty acute RBF. Look it up.

A hidden gem, this one, who plays professionally in Costa Rica for Saprissa. This 22-year-old midfielder is wanted by Premier League Clubs, including Everton and Fulham, and reportedly turned down offers from Belgian and MLS clubs to pursue playing in England or Spain.

Relationship status: Appears to be single. With leaving Costa Rica in the near future for millions upon millions in England or Spain... that's smart of him.

James, Columbia 

This was an easy one. Yes,  James David Rodriguez Rubio (known simply as James - I love the South American one-named soccer players) looks young (he's just 22), but he is easily considered the best young forward in the world. Through four games, he has scored five - yes five - goals in the World Cup. His first World Cup. It's amazing. And I'm sorry, but if LeBron James is giving you a shout out? Killer. 

In 2013, James signed with AS Monaco (from Porto) for a transfer fee of €45 million - the second-most expensive transfer in Portuguese football history, and the 10th most expensive transfer ever.

Relationship Status: Married to the sister of the Colombian starting goalkeeper. Another married 22 year old, are you kidding me? Geesh.

Oscar, Brazil

Most lists are taking the easy way out and naming Naymar. But... no. No, no, no. I will make the less popular, but more correct choice of Oscar (Oscar dos Santos Emboaba Júnior), 22, who plays for Chelsea and is known for his play-making abilities. This young hottie scored in Brazil's opening match of the World Cup.

Relationship Status: Oscar is married to his childhood sweetheart. Just one week before the opening game of the World Cup, he became a father.

Now Argentina gave me a run for my money - in a good way. But in the end I went with...

Ezequiel Lavezzi, Argentina  

Oh lordy, lordy. Holy sweet muscles and tattoos. The 29-year-old Paris Saint-Germain attacker wasn't exactly an unknown quantity to soccer fans before this World Cup; but for the millions of casual viewers watching Argentina play Nigeria, we were in for a TREAT. When Sergio Agüero, one of the much-hyped “fantastic four” strikers, was forced off the field due to injury, the camera focused on a shirtless Ezequiel “Pocho” Lavezzi getting some last-minute pointers from coach Alejandro Sabella, that brief glimpse at his tattooed, muscle-bound body and perfectly coiffed beard was enough to set social media atwitter. Lavezzi fever has begun. Do you have it? If not, Google him - you will soon catch it.

Relationship status: 29 and SINGLE. Hallelujah! 

#ThingsTimHowardCouldSave

Thankfully for Red Sox Nation, Tim Howard and his heroic saving abilities were not in the Bronx that night. 

(Still sucks to be A-Rod)

The Hotties of the 2014 World Cup

Here they are ladies (and gentlemen), the players to watch in the 2014 World Cup (sorry I'm a bit late). Though some of the perennial powers are out (Italy, Spain, England), there is still a lot of soccer/football to watch, and the men of this list make it worth your while.

Robin van Persie, The Netherlands 

The Dutch captain and Manchester United striker is one of the best in the world. In the first three games of the tournament, van Persie scored twice (playing just two games – he was out of the third with two yellow cards) including what will undoubtedly be on the list of best goals of the tournament.

Relationship status: Married with two children. Since he was 20—yes, 20.

Gerard  Piqué, Spain

It was difficult to pick the best photo of the Spain and Barcelona defender. He is a World Cup champion (2010), a UEFA Euro champion (2012), and a three-time UEFA Champions League champion (2007-2008 with Manchester United; 2008-2009 and 2010-2011 with Barca). Individually, he has been named La Liga Breakthrough Player of the Year (2009), La Liga Best Defender (2010), FIFA/FIFPro World XI (2010, 2011, 2012), UEFA Team of the Year (2010, 2011, 2012), ESM Team of the Year (2011), and UEFA Euro Team of the Tournament (2012). He may be the single reason I'm sad Spain is out of the World Cup.

Relationship Status: You may have heard of his girlfriend, Shakira (who is ten years his senior). They met when Piqué was featured in the music video for Shakira's song "Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)", the official song of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. They have a son.

Glen Johnson, England

I mean... really. There aren't many men in England who look like this. The Liverpool defender has 54 caps for England and one goal since 2003. He is one of three children of a single mother, who at times was homeless. But he credits his mother's strength and resolve for helping him develop a football career. 

Relationship status: Married with two children.

Graham Zusi, USA

This handsome devil plays midfield for the good-ol' US-of-A and is a two-time Sporting Kansas City MVP. He played college soccer at the University of Maryland, where he won the National Championship in 2005 and 2008, scoring the game-winning goal in the 2008 National Semi-Final and Championship Games. This was to be Zusi's breakout year... thus far the World Cup hasn't gone, for him, as he would have liked. Let's hope he can turn things around.

Relationship status: Appears to be single. Goooooooooooooooooooooooool!

Andrea Barzagli, Italy

The Italian and Juventus midfielderis known for his powerful physical build, and for being "strong in terms of anticipation, concentration and positional sense."* His calm composure, pace, consistency and ball playing ability have recently enabled him to be regarded as one of the best and most complete defenders in the world.

* Horncastle, James. "Serie A Team of the Year". espnfc.com. Retrieved 23 May 2013.

Relationship status: Married with two children

Granit Xhaka, Switzerland

The 21-year-old Swiss midfielder plays professionally in Germany for Borussia Mönchengladbach. His family is Albanian, but moved to Basel from Kosovo shortly before he was born. His older Taulant, is also a professional soccer player who plays professionally for Basel and internationally for Albania. Granit scored in Switzerland's 5-2 loss to France, but the team advanced to the Round of 16 with a 2-1 record.

Bonus: his teammates call him "young Einstein" because of his intelligence and love of science. He is of Albanian decent. 

Relationship status: Single. He is 21, after all. 

Olivier Giroud, France 

Ummm... yeah. The France and Arsenal striker and is known for his size, physical style of play, heading ability, shot power, strength and link-up play. He has 32 caps and 9 goals for France since 2011.

Relationship status: Married since 2011 with a child. But admitted in early 2014 to cheating with model Celia Kay. He previously denied to transgression, but the "model" then posted photos of Giroud in his hotel room. After the incident, his wife went back to France. Since then, no news of a divorce has been reported.

Joe Hart, England

The 27-year-old English goalkeeper has won two Premier League titles with Manchester City (2011-12, 2013-14). Individually he's been named the Premier League's top goalie three times and to the Premier League Team of the Year twice.

Relationship status: Engaged with a baby on the way.

Nacer Chadli, Belgium

The 24-year-old Belgian winger plays professionally for the team with the best name in sports, Tottenham Hotspur(no s). Chandli holds duel citizenship in Belgium and Morocco, and made his debut for Morocco Nov. 17, 2010, in a friendly against Northern Ireland where he was named man of the match. On January 28, 2011, he announced his intention to represent Belgium at international level, which was permitted as he had not played in a competitive match for Morocco, and made his debut for the national squad for a 9 February friendly match against Finland. A good decision, since I don't see Morocco in the World Cup. In his professional and international career, Chandli has 74 goals in 250 games - not too shabby.

Relationship status: Single!

Aleksandr Kerzhakov, Russia

Let's start with this: he is the most prolific scorer in the history of Russian soccer. In 2014, he scored his 26th international goal for Russia, breaking the previous record. Amid a messy divorce (and cheating allegations), Kerzhakov said of his daughter, "Thanks to her I learned about responsibility: that`s what happens when you understand that there is a person who is half created from you. She`s yours.” All together now: "Awwwwwww!"

Relationship status: Divorced with a daughter.

Sergio Ramos, Spain

The Spanish captain was a bright spot in an otherwise dismal World Cup for the defending champs. The 28-year old has competed for Spain in three World Cups, winning in 2010, and two European Championships, winning in 2008 and 2012. He made his first senior international appearance at the age of 18, and in 2013 became the youngest player to ever reach 100 caps. Professionally, he plays for Real Madrid, with whom he won this season's UEFA Champions League.

Relationship: In a long-term relationship with a Spanish reporter/tv presenter (I use the term "reporter" very liberally here - most reporters don't model in men's magazines). The couple have a son.

Diego “Ruso” Pérez, Uruguay

The 34-year-old defender is known as "The Russian" though he has no Russian lineage. Confusing. Anyway, He is part of the rough and tough Uruguayan midfield and after the 2010 World Cup where he made quite a name for himself, he began playing for Serie A Bologna. In 2014, Uruguay lost their first match to Croatia but went on to defeat England and Italy, leading to both team's exit and Uruguay's surprising advancement to the Round of 16. Unfortunately, Perez hasn't seen any action yet. Perhaps they'll use his maturity in the next round(s)

Relationship status: Married with two children.

Mitch Langerak, Australia

The Aussie goalkeeper plays for  the German Bundesliga club Borussia Dortmund. Stats: 25 years old, 6'3", Australian accent, enjoys "hanging out."

Relationship status: Girlfriend. 

Ehsan Hajsafi, Iran

The 24-year-old Iranian midfielder as selected by Goal.com as the most promising player in Asian football in 2009. Hajsafi has represented Iran at the 2011 AFC Asian Cup and the 2014 FIFA World Cup. IN his professional career, he has 33 goals in 215 games. 

Relationship status: ?????

Sorry Cristiano Ronaldo fans, while I can see that he is classically handsome... I just can’t put a man on this list who tweezes his eyebrows more often than me.